The Don of Contooper Yeda

Computers, Information Technology, Future, Modern world, Cable TV, Mobile, Internet, e-mail…….Very common words now-a-days …. Right?? But not-so-long ago they were Dreams…. At least for me…. And this is how I had reacted to The Don of Contooper Yeda.... err..... The Dawn of Computer era.

Class IX….1998
I had gone to a friend…. in Officers’ Colony…. having a CABLE TV connection…. to discuss something for the debate to be held next week. It was around 5-30 pm. Barely few minutes had passed when she (okaayyyy why can’t a friend be a SHE!!!) started shouting… Jaldi karo mera STAR WARS aane waala hai.
And I was like…should I run for cover or what……WHAAATTT is STAR WARS??

Class IX (again)….1998
One day my friends decided to give each other nick names.
Ye Belanwaali….. ye Hateli….. ye Kajalbhai….
The one who was called Kajalbhai yelled….abe kya samajh k rakha hai
Dekha… hum to bole hi the ki tu kajalbhai hai
And in one corner I was wondering…… Have they really met some aliens?? MY GOD!!! They know their names too!!!

Class X…..2000
Mobile was always very fascinating …for everyone back in the late 90s. More so for me coz even the Cordless phones in some of my friends from Officers’ Colony seemed Magic!! I used to wonder …. I mean … HOW!!!
We were going to appear for Xth Board examination ( I don’t remember which paper it was). Out of sheer desperation… we went to a Temple near by to seek some last minute blessings. As we were returning… one of us (not me) was staring at something…. When we all looked in the direction…. We found a man talking on a MOBILE PHONE!!

A: Abe ye bangaali ko aur kuchh nahin dikhta hai
B: Tu to aise bol raha hai jaise roz saala phone pe baat karta hai
A: Abe iska matlab kya…. Aise dekh raha hai jaise pata nahin kya hai
B: Haan haan theek hai…hum dekhenge
A: Is sale ko to koi bhi mobile dikha k apne paas bula lega…bangaali saala
B: Aisa nahin hai
The rest: abe chalo yaar….exam shuru ho jayega. Thank god bangaali’s tongue wasn’t hanging out!!!

Class XII…..2002
We had to submit some project kind of thing in Physics and Chemistry. One day before the last date…. Some of them produced their reports….. neat …colorful… printed ….very nice.
Abe type kismein kiya??
Word mein.
Aur ye effect?
Abe ye bhi word mein. Dekh…..
I was like…. Are they talking in English?? What’s so special about WORD?? Everyone writes in words….for God’s sake !!! Finally I wrote…in hand…. Some 14 pages of my report(in words, of course)…. ‘designed’ the cover page ….. spent the whole night….and submitted the report next day. I was proud of my report.

After XIIth Board……2002
Mamma….. ab to12^th ho gaya…..ab e-mail id bana lein??
Ye kya hota hai?
Arey….computer se kisi ko mail kar sakte hain…matlab..chitti type ka….turant pahuch jaata hai…..aur abhi JEE etc bhi hai naa….kabhi kuchh zaroorat hua to unse baat kar sakte hain naa …. Bahut aasaan hai.
Accha theek hai.
AND I HAD MY FIRST e-mail ID…..

After JEE (mains) 2002 results were out…..
I was taking to a friend…… and asked his e-mail id…. More so that I can have someone to mail to!!!
Tu messenger kyun nahin use karta hai??
Abe ye kya hota hai??
Arey…. Blah blah blah jaana….. phir blah blah blah click karna…aur phir apne yahoo id se sign in kar lena…. Instant messages bhej sakte ho….. aur offliners bhi.
Acche dekhenge (totally disinterested)
I did not use messenger till August 2003.

Aaj mere paas 1 PC hai… Nokia 6600 hai…. 4 e-mail id hain…. 2 messenger hain….. 1 Blog hai…. 321 se zada ‘friends’ hain……. ..

…….Kabhi sapne mein bhi nahin socha tha yaar !!!

THANKS

Dear daroga speaks

Today I just wanted to talk to you. Actually I wanted to talk to you yesterday night itself but I was feeling sleepy (and not fine ….. somehow) and I lost to sleep. Newayz…..it doesn’t matter because I know you will always be there….exactly there……I don’t even have to look for you….for me.

First of all…..THANKS. Thanks for being there. I had always found it hard to speak up….nething….it just refused to come out of me. All the constraints of being a social animal used to scare the hell out of me….
“DON’T U DARE SPEAK….UNDERSTAND .”
“okay boss”

Not nemore. I have you now. You listen to all of my craps (and fantasies too ;) ) so honestly and patiently. You also act as my messenger. My friends…seen and unseen… talk to me through you.

I need you dear. I really do. You know... the mind is always full of thoughts…and in my case…. most of the times they don’t make sense. But still I need to blurt all those out…. somewhere ….. and we humans are too busy in our lives to have the time and patience to listen to such non-sense all the time. After all those Quiet years, you came to my life….with Light, Hope, Freedom. You became my voice. I am indebted to you…forever.

That day a friend had rightly pointed out that may be I suffer from Multi-Personality Disorder….. may be…..yes. I even know their names…can you believe it!!! One is…Adarsh, Daroga( ab to yakeen ho gaya naa ki you r my voice), babbuji/babu(for my family), bhaiya(for my sis), mota( for my close friends…BTW I m not that FAT!).

And the other is…..ME …just ME.

I know you can not easily distinguish between the two….. sometimes even I confuse!!! But after 3 months now….I think you can recognize them individually. But let me tell you….they both are extremely good actors and their favorite play is Main tu aur tu main…..so be careful !!!
Since I know both of them personally for the past 21(will be 22 soon) years…I can assure you that whoever is talking to you at a given instant will be true to himself as well as you. That’s guaranteed. They respect you as much as I do. And I can also tell you beforehand…. ME will interact with you more than the other one.

Hey…. I have a confession to make…….. I had publicized you till very recently. SORRY…… it was a desperate attempt to being heard. But it was not MY idea…..that moron called Adarsh used to do it. Can you believe ….. he used to send personal mssgs to his friends in Gtalk!! everytime we talked to you !!! How desperate one can become….GOD save him!!!
But don’t worry….. we have a deal now and from now on he will not shout from Mt. Everest at the top of his voice. From now on You are a friend…more than anything else. You gave me/us…….whoever…..the freedom of expression which I/we…..aaah…leave it….longed for so long. THANKS A LOT AGAIN……THANKS.

You know…. this letter would not make any sense to people because I am writing it in my most common state of mind…..you guessed it right……senselessly thought-full. Never mind…. I know u can understand.

I think I should stop now.

Take care( you take yours…and I will take care of that Adarsh :D)
Love you,
ME and Adarsh/daroga/…etc.

Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai...

Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai

Aaj phir udne ki khwahish hai

Aaj toofaan ko mehsoos karne ki iccha hai

Aaj phir kuchh kar guzarne ka armaan hai

Aaj khade hokar kehna chahta hoon ki “Hey World…..Here I am.”

Kuchh adhoora sa hai kahin

Aaj sampoorn hona chahta hoon

Aaj rona chahta hoon

Aur thori si peena chahta hoon

Aaj madhosh hone ko dil bekaraar hai

Mujhe dagaa mat dena ai aaj

Mujhe kal se tumhara intezaar hai .

Two Liives

Well….the EXTRAA ‘i’ is to avoid any charge of copyright violation what-so-ever.

I am living two very different kinds of life here at Jamshedpur. The first one begins at around 8:00 am IST when I enter Tata Steel Research and Control Laboratory. I have my own cubicle/desk(whatever u may like to call it) with a PC with an internet connection(freeeeeee!!!!). It’s entirely another matter that the PC is a P3 and in spite of its limited processing capability, it is courageous enough to run FLUENT(a very demanding software), GAMBIT(another demanding one), Orkut, Gtalk, Yahoo messenger and Winamp….simultaneously….without ever hanging despite being tortured by me like this for the past month. Poor thing doesn’t get to sleep even!!! It must be cursing me like anything….. but I can’t help it….sorry dear. And…Oh…I forgot to mention the AC dear….. it has no idea how much it is serving mankind !!!
So…this is my 1^st life… which ends at around 7 pm IST when I leave …but not before assigning my poor and helpless but ultra-courageous PC another Night-out task.

Then begins the more adventourous …2^nd life here as I reach my rest-room(in literal terms). It seems that the Electrical Power of Jamshedpur has taken it upon herself to avenge the merciless exploitation of her sister in I.I.T. Kharagpur. She really hates kgpians and she has got 2 months and 4 Kgpians to settle the score. So as soon as she sees me returning to my rest-room….she runs away. Don’t tell me that she has to serve another locality at that time only!!! Believe me…EPJ( Electric Power of Jamsedpur…yaar) enjoys harassing…. helpless and clueless …. we kgpians. When she is in a normal mood…she will elude us for about 1-2 hrs from around 9 pm IST … and when she is in a more playful mood, she will play hide-n-seek at night….. sometimes at midnight, and sometimes at 2:45 am IST !!! .....I told you naa…..she enjoys it a lot.

She has two very close friends who assist her in here revenge. One is the Rain……both of them will go on playing together for hours….and unless there is an S-O-S from the city itself….they continue their games. The other is The Mosquito…. the only creature other than Human Beings who love HUMAN BLOOD.

Normally two of the three attack us at a time but when all three of them decide to have a go on us…….it becomes “Survival of the Fittest” kind of thing!!!

These games of EPJ has relieved our landlord off the trouble of water pump.....One Handpump…..and it takes care of 10 families living in there.
Another key to survival is…....F*** Hygiene. I give my WBCs a hell lot of workout ….. in order to survive within the constraints of time, space, money and energy.

And I have survived one month now…..with another month remaining only!!! …which ….. Inshallah….. will pass on very soon and I will declare myself “Fit/Fitter/Fittest”…..whatever…. and return to my KGP….. survived……and a bit more learned…..AMEN !!!

What's in a Song !!!

As I was returning back to my room, a chaiwaala was playing this song ….. actually Vividh Bharti was playing it for him….at his stall….

“ Daiya Daiya Daiya re….. Daiya Daiya Daiya re…..

Ashique mere maine tujhse pyar kiya re …..”

Now……He is her Ashique because she loves Him….. why do they state the obvious??? And the first line….. the so many Daiyas……I guess Daiya means Mother in some language…..so...what for is the S-O-S to Mummy before stating the obvious……as if she is like…. Ui Maaa…..ye mujhse kya ho gaya……maine apne ashique se pyar kar liya !!!…………..Aaaarrrrggghhhhhh !!!!

Consider this song…….

Turu ru Turu ru Turu ru ru ru …..

Kahan se karoon main Pyar shuru….

What else would you ask yourself before........ joining an ORGY !!! ……….Yaacckkkk !!!!

One more from apna bollywood……

Angoor ka daana hoon…..Sui na chubha dena…..

Sui jo chubhayi ……to ras tapkega…..

jo ras tapkega to….Kishmish ban jaungi…..

I used to feel a lot of sharam while singing this song even as a 10 year old (this film was released around 1993)…..But now that I have studied Science…..picture this…..

Just magnify the angoor ka daana and the Sui a bit and try to fit it into Human anatomy………...done??....…..now what is that Ras and Kishmish. ………Ooooppppppssss!!!

One masterpiece from Ila Arun (BTW her daughter Ishita Arun is veeerrryyyy SEXY)...

Arey…..Dilli shahar mein maaro ghaaghro jo ghumiya…..

Arey Ila aunty…… agar apka ghaaghra dilli shahar mein ghoom raha hai to aap kismein …… oops….newayz…..agar apka beshkeemti ghaaghra chori ho hi gaya hai to pleeeaaaassseeeee go to a Police station….and definitely not…. a Music station!!!

Chalo…..bahut ho gayi songs ki……whatever……. But……

There’s always something about Hindi Lyrics.

Now you can go back to whatever you were doing …..and I go back to listening KANDISA from INDIAN OCEAN……my all time favourite.

c ya soon.

LOVE......but not at first sight

LOVE doesn’t necessarily happen at first site……right???

I knew Her since I have known myself. She used to visit us often. She was full of life, joy, freshness, etc., etc. ( She still is…BTW) yet, somehow, I had managed to develop a kinda strong dislike for Her. Her sight used to turn me off till……hmmm…….about 3 years back. My sister likes her very much. She would leave everything to play with Her. Even my Dad likes her. Whenever She comes, he watches Her from the window or balcony. (All the pervert minds are humbly requested to stop thinking further) My Mom is always too busy to interact with Her but she makes sure that the things prone to being spoilt by Her are away from Her reach.

I so much disliked Her that my sis had to ‘tell’ me about Her beauty…..Her naughtiness……Her playfulness….Her Fragrance…etc. And it was after one of those ‘explanation sessions’ that I could not find a reason good enough to dislike Her. Earlier I used to say that She makes a lot of noise whenever She is around and when She leaves….the place is in a mess. But now I began to like that very noise of hers. She is so full of energy all the time. She brings such a freshness to our otherwise monotonous lives. And one fine day when I was ‘watching’ Her from my balcony …… I just fell in LOVE with HER. She is so pure, so charming…… I mean…..how could I dislike her for so many years.

One of my better fantasies (the others include….going out on a date with Hilary Duff, or…..may be Angelina Jolie….in which case it goes beyond the ‘date’) is….
Me being alone in a lush green field…… all stretched……and She all over me…..Me feeling Her tender touch all over my body……My eyes closed…..and Me being engulfed by Her fragrance and Her soft, gentle, pure body……….
......SIGH !!!!

I was thinking of Her yesterday night when I came to know She was coming. I had waited for some 20 minutes when……….it RAINed !!!!

Don’t stare at me like that……. I was just trying to be ROMANTIC :D !!!

F R I E N D S .

NOTE : The EXTRA DOTS can be avoided at times ;)

We are born naked and the first thing we receive from outer world is a SPANKING !!! Then we are taken over by THE ONE who loves us the most. As time passes by, we get to interact with the world and its people…a large no. of different kinds of people. We Hate some, we like some, we Don’t quite like some, and we don’t know millions.

Being at the same point of time and space, we interact with some people more than the million others. We develop likes and dislikes, love and hatred. There are people whom we simply HATE. There are people whom we like to avoid. There are people whom we dislike so much that we can’t like them. And then ….. there are people whom we like so much that we forget to dislike them. And to top it all, there are people whom we simply LOVE…from the bottom our heart. They form the core of our world. They become a part of our very existence. They control us. No one is allowed to enter the core. No one is allowed to hurt the core. Any kind of encroachment is intolerable.

Of course, there are fights, i-won’t-talk-to-you phases, i-hate-you phases…..but they only add colors to our world. (After all whom do we say “I Hate You”!!!) Giving someone a place in our heart is an irreversible process…..and it is firm and stable enough survive minor turbUlences. So the bottom-line is that you and I Love oUr worlD…..it is the happiest place to live in.

May GOD Treat All of us with Loving and beaUtiful FrienDs. AMEN!!!

BANGLA YATRA

With a lighter heart (well…lets ignore the weight of the heart for the time being) , I boarded the train back home …. KHARAGPUR>>ADRA>>ASANSOL PASSENGER. Inside a train with THREE towns (?) of BENGAL in its name, with lots and lots of PASSENGERS, I was ready to be BENGALIFIED. (BTW I am writing this with due respect to Bengalis, no offence meant…really). Slowly and gradually the train was gaining weight. I occupied a ‘single’ seat and entered DIGITAL FORTRESS. But I could not withstand the POWER of BENGAL as I was dragged out of the FORTRESS by a fight….a typical BANGLA FIGHT. After 15 minutes of High-Speed Fight ( in terms of number of words spoken per second), it stopped and I could understand nothing. And let me tell you…with a pseudo-Bengali Mother, a Bengali one-of-the-best-friends, 7 out of 10 friends in school being Bengali, 5 Bengali neighbors and 3 years in Kharagpur…I can understand BANGLA a bit…and NO…. I WAS NOT BROUGHT UP IN BENGAL !!!!

Anyway, I re-entered the FORTRESS and was wandering inside when the POWER of BENGAL pulled me out for the second time…..

“cha koto taka ?” ( how much does the tea cost?)..the boy sitting in front of me enquired

“Teen taka” ( 3 Rupees)

“Locaale TEEN taka !!” (3 rupees in local ?)

“Hain.. Teen taka.” (yes.. 3 rupees)

“Aaar…expresse?” (and in express?)

“Chaar taka” (4 rupees)

“Locaale TEEN taka aar expresse CHAAR taka !!!” (THREE Rs. in local and FOUR Rs. in express!!!)

“hain” (yes)

“Locaale to DU taka chhilo” ( it was 2 Rs earlier in local)

NO REPLY………

“Aachha ..diye daw” (okay..give one)

He accepted the cup of tea and had a sip…..thought something…..and asked the chaa-waala for another cup…...I wondered if he really felt hot…or…….

I re-entered the FORTRESS only to be dragged one more time.

“Aapni ki Bankura naamben?” (will u get down at Bankura?)

“Na”, I replied. (No)

The man talked to his friend standing beside him. Then his friend asked…

“Aapni ki Bankura naamben?” (will u get down at Bankura?)

“Na”, I was wondering who didn’t understand Bangla…me or the first guy !!!

I entered the FORTRESS yet again…and thankfully BENGAL decided against testing its POWER on me again.

I remained in the FORTESS thereafter, occasionally looking at the world outside. Two things knocked on me…..

1) A man offered his seat to a standing lady. I mean….how many of us offer our seats to a standing lady in a crowded train.

2) The people, children and grown-ups alike, in the fields passing by were waving the train a GOOD-BYE. I know this happens quite often…..and I love the innocence of this gesture.

Humanism isn’t extinct yet !!!

Mamma, This one's for you

When Sweety(my sister) completed her Xth , we decided that she and Mamma would join me in Ranchi . After a lot of search, we got a decent two-room habitat ( I don’t know what to call it…it could not be called a flat…for sure). Everything was finalized, but not on paper. When Mamma and Sweety finally arrived with all the luggage…we found that the owner had given the rooms to another person…for Rs.200 more. We were shocked. How could he?? Where would we go now?? Our classes were starting 2 days later. I went blank. Sweety is too innocent to think of anything of this intensity. Papa had to return soon to resume his office. The owner offered us a room in the backyard…..a single room….with a downward slope so that water won’t come out naturally ( we realized it when it rained…and anyway did we have any option ???). And he was not being generous ……we had to pay for it.

Have you ever felt Homeless???....... I have.

We would have broken down if Mamma was not there. She assured us. We also somehow believed that she would be able to get a Home for us. I was feeling like a helpless kid. It was not that Ranchi had ran out of ‘houses to rent’….. We didn’t have enough money to afford them. Our schools had started. Mamma sent us to school every morning and then went out to search…..for a place to Live. She used to walk all day….wandering about in different colonies….asking every owner. Some rejected outright…some demanded too much rent…..some asked ridiculous questions before rejecting. She used to get back in time for lunch….our lunch. She did not eat. The second half of the day passed the same way….Mamma ( this time accompanied by us) searching. We got another room …a single room….after 10 days of being in HELL. We hoped for things to improve….they did…in the sense that….it was a good room to live. But the owner …. a lady this time….strongly believed in…A Landlord should trouble the Tenants……come-what-may. We were forced to bank upon Tiffin system for our food ( believe me….you will start loving the mess food here once you taste that). Anyways after spending some 15 days there we could find a proper house and our problems were reduced.

Those 25 days taught me a lot. I learnt from LIFE itself. I learnt from my Mamma. Even in case of extreme hopelessness….She never panicked (at least she didn’t show it). We used to get our strength from Her. I learnt that one can be absolutely alone in this Big, Bad World …. with problems in hand. And I learnt that they could be solved…Mamma taught me. I learnt the importance of money and, for the first and the only time in my life, I wished we had more money. I learnt how shrewd, heartless, cunning and dirty people can be. Those days left a deep impact on me. I witnessed the Strength of a Mother. I used to feel the protection Mamma gave us. We had forgotten to smile. We didn’t want to come back to that place. We didn’t want to talk to each other. Those are the darkest days of my life till date.

But….. Mamma didn’t break and didn’t allow us to break. I hold myself responsible for all these sufferings to Mamma and Sweety….and I want to say Sorry to them. ...... I had underestimated LIFE.

I don’t know why I have written all this……perhaps just to say…….Mamma , I Love you and I am Sorry.

CCD Revisited...

Our Romance with CCD continued as we again fell to the temptation, this time in GOA. After a long day at different Beaches, watching beautiful waves, babes, couples (and their PDA), and the bag which contained 9 cell-phones, 9 watches and 9 wallets…..we all were tired. By the time we arrived at Panaji market….mice had found a much larger place to jump around. We were looking for some nice eatery to pacify the jumping mice. We were scanning the market when….CCD appeared! Mumbai was relived for few minutes. Those of us who could not resist, convinced the few others that we can have ‘dinner’ at CCD …. and we again landed in CCD. THE MENU appeared again……we dug into it again….finally ordered something (this time it was not a common order) that could double-up as ‘Dinner’. Four of us wanted to have Chicken Pizza and the rest had found other things to offer to their appetite. As luck would have it….CCD had only 3 Chicken Pizzas at that time. The BIG Question popped up….Who will eat the VEG PIZZA?? The most reluctant of us to enter CCD (hereinafter referred to as HE) was quiet. A Non-veg will never eat veg in GOA…on a HOLIDAY. HE suggested going to another place. But others were not in the mood to move. To them there was no problem….1, 2, 3 will have the Chicken Pizza…..and HE can have the Veg Pizza. …50°C…HE was Quiet. They asked the attendant for the substitutes…to which he offered CHICKEN SUBMARINE…the last piece left. HE wanted to have ‘Dinner’ and a nice one too. Chicken Submarine could not present itself as ‘Dinner’ (the cost also played an important factor). Then came the solution (found by Baba)….. 1, 2, 3 would have the Chicken Pizza and…HE can have the Chicken Submarine…..70°C….HE was Quiet. The other orders came by then (the idea of chicken pizzas was dropped…and it was almost decided that we would go somewhere else). Everyone pounced on the Chicken sandwich and Chicken Burger and the juice (or whatever it was)…. HE was Quiet…60°C. Others were enjoying and taking snaps and ‘visiting’ THE CCD WASHROOM one-by-one!!....HE was Quiet…..65°C. Then Baba offered him that sandwich with a wicked smile……..85°C….HE was Quiet. Another ‘Drink’ was ordered (….and by then the mice had transformed into CATS)…..90°C…HE was Quiet.

Finally we left CCD(…80°C…HE was Quiet) and began another scan. Meanwhile HE was carrying an extra luggage and was walking behind everyone else….Mahe laughingly scolded everyone else for forgetting HIM !!….and others laughed with him….85°C…HE was Quiet. Our 2^nd scan landed us in a SHER-E-PUNJAB restaurant and finally the CATS (….mice, earlier) had something to eat. Finally HE also got something which was ‘Dinner…and a nice one too’ and could justify its cost. Everyone enjoyed their ‘Dinner’

…....45°C….and HE talked.

Hmmm…….Okay……HE was ME !!!