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Dear Diary,
Something strange happened today. I was in a meeting when he walked in, unexpectedly. And then he looked at me and smiled. On other days I’d have dismissed it as yet another smirk but it was different today. At least it seemed different. I don’t know if it was a she-must-have-nice-things-to-say smile or a good-lord-she-is-also-here smile. I wish I knew. I wish I knew what he thinks of me. I wish I could talk freely with him. I wish I weren’t scared of him. Oh GOD, why are the advisors so difficult. Can’t they be, well, humans!
Everytime both of us are in a meeting, he’d do something to make me uncomfortable. Be it some silly joke, a light-hearted comment or just an evil look, but he never misses. I don’t know why he does that. I don’t know if he even realizes he does that. He may be a big-shot professor, dealing with high-profile people on a daily basis, talking millions but at least he should have the courtesy to respond to my good-morning and good-night emails. I mean, how long does it take to reply ‘same to you’. A little bit of acknowledgement, that’s all I ask. Is it too much for a student to ask from the advisor?
May be he isn’t the type of person who doesn’t express too much. Or may be he acknowledges with a smile but I, stupid that I am, dismiss it as a smirk. Yes, it is all in my head. May be I am thinking too much. I should sleep now. Tomorrow will be a good day. Or I’d find a better way to deal with it than ranting in my diary. I think I need help. Or may be just a sound sleep.
किसी को मुकम्मल जहाँ नहीं मिलता,
कभी ज़मीं, कभी आसमाँ नहीं मिलता.
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Inspired by and dedicated to one of the nicest persons I have met.
jai ho
