Nothing's pure black or pure white. Of course, one would say there are colors but then every color can be transformed into gray-scale and then all you get is different shades of gray. Not Black, not White, but Gray.
The point is.... no one is Good or Evil. Each one of us is a shade of Gray. As they say, nothing is 100%. So, if you think straight and conclude that I am a bad guy, you probably have erred somewhere. Also, if somehow you have managed to convince yourself that I am a good guy, you are in for a big surprise. The good me and the evil me are obviously at loggerheads to each other and the good me manages to keep the evil me under wraps, but not always. And when the evil me surfaces, he surprises even himself. I recalled one such instance.
Class X(A)
TATA DAV School, Sijua; Dhanbad
Jharkhand, India
Sometime in mid-1999
It may seem a silly, totally not worth mentioning after 8 years thing to you but then it is important to me. School days can be extremely silly at times. You have your groups of guys and girls, there are crushes, flowers, all kinds of stupid games, flirting, the guy-talk, the girl-talk, the gifts, the cards, the free periods and of course, that delicate age. I also had a small group. The entire class looked at us skewedly. The teachers turned hostile. The brothers and sisters were asked questions. But who cared. We used to do what we liked to and "to hell with them".
There was a girl in my group. Being known to us for about 2 years then, she was relatively new given that the rest of us had studied together since 1988. And she was different. With respect to those times and situations, one can safely say.. she was a rebel. I had not met such a lively and fun-loving girl in my life. And we really hit it off from day 2. There was an easyness associated with her. She and me shared some hilarious, unforgettable incidents and quotes. She was, and will remain very special to me.
Fast forward to the day of the incident.
I don't remember the reason now. But one day there was heated argument and a scuffle between us. I remember she had pulled my sweater but I don't remember anything else. What happened after that, disturbs me to this day. My 'other' friends took it worse than me and then there was a heavy dose of "tit for tat", "be a man", "revenge" and the likes. The evil me was pulled out. I went to her and had a quick, hard go at her ponytail. (I told you it will seem silly.)I thought we were even. But few minutes later, when the teacher entered the class, he asked her if she was all right. And then I saw her, with eyes full of tears. She was hurt, not physically. Believe me or not, those tears make me very uncomfortable to this day.
After that, there are again blank patches in my memory. I remember giving my book to her when she asked for another guy's book, to initiate the damage-control. And the next thing I remember is her last day in school. She left the school after a month or so. I don't remember how things worked out between us. And I certainly don't remember apologizing.
All I remember is that of all people, I had hurt her. And I, hereby, apologize to her.
I AM EXTREMELY SORRY for that day. I never meant to hurt you, in any which way.
The point is.... no one is Good or Evil. Each one of us is a shade of Gray. As they say, nothing is 100%. So, if you think straight and conclude that I am a bad guy, you probably have erred somewhere. Also, if somehow you have managed to convince yourself that I am a good guy, you are in for a big surprise. The good me and the evil me are obviously at loggerheads to each other and the good me manages to keep the evil me under wraps, but not always. And when the evil me surfaces, he surprises even himself. I recalled one such instance.
Class X(A)
TATA DAV School, Sijua; Dhanbad
Jharkhand, India
Sometime in mid-1999
It may seem a silly, totally not worth mentioning after 8 years thing to you but then it is important to me. School days can be extremely silly at times. You have your groups of guys and girls, there are crushes, flowers, all kinds of stupid games, flirting, the guy-talk, the girl-talk, the gifts, the cards, the free periods and of course, that delicate age. I also had a small group. The entire class looked at us skewedly. The teachers turned hostile. The brothers and sisters were asked questions. But who cared. We used to do what we liked to and "to hell with them".
There was a girl in my group. Being known to us for about 2 years then, she was relatively new given that the rest of us had studied together since 1988. And she was different. With respect to those times and situations, one can safely say.. she was a rebel. I had not met such a lively and fun-loving girl in my life. And we really hit it off from day 2. There was an easyness associated with her. She and me shared some hilarious, unforgettable incidents and quotes. She was, and will remain very special to me.
Fast forward to the day of the incident.
I don't remember the reason now. But one day there was heated argument and a scuffle between us. I remember she had pulled my sweater but I don't remember anything else. What happened after that, disturbs me to this day. My 'other' friends took it worse than me and then there was a heavy dose of "tit for tat", "be a man", "revenge" and the likes. The evil me was pulled out. I went to her and had a quick, hard go at her ponytail. (I told you it will seem silly.)I thought we were even. But few minutes later, when the teacher entered the class, he asked her if she was all right. And then I saw her, with eyes full of tears. She was hurt, not physically. Believe me or not, those tears make me very uncomfortable to this day.
After that, there are again blank patches in my memory. I remember giving my book to her when she asked for another guy's book, to initiate the damage-control. And the next thing I remember is her last day in school. She left the school after a month or so. I don't remember how things worked out between us. And I certainly don't remember apologizing.
All I remember is that of all people, I had hurt her. And I, hereby, apologize to her.
I AM EXTREMELY SORRY for that day. I never meant to hurt you, in any which way.
16 comments:
awwwwwwwww though these things happen so don't worry
@ Zee
ya...i know
anyways its too late to worry now :P
letu bhi centiyaa diya blog mein
after reading you post i tried to recall the incedent and my memories of this are very very hazy!! i can say that i dont even remember it!! i dont think i remembered it for long (even during that time).
Chill!!! it over now, and we've been the best of friends ever since :-)
~YouKnowWho :-)
@ Srikant
Not my first time :P
@ I-Know-Who
Thanks. Now that I have said it, it DEFINITELY is over :)
thanks for the comment.
nice writing skillz...
@ Darmaknox
Thanks :)
Awww.. its so cute that you would be sensitive to her feelings after so many years! I hope she hears you!
@ SS
she has heard... and all's peace now :)
I heard "The reason" by Hoobastank after a long time today on the radio, and was reminded of your post! The lyrics "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Its something I live with everyday, and all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away"..! :)
Glad she heard you... reconciliation is the best thing!
@ SS
yep... this song really sums it up well.
We were really not 'estranged' as such, it's just that this thing remained inside me. But, whatever it was, it's over now.
u knw wot, i see ur skills at writing has grown up wid time, n its still goin on.i hav been seeing ur posts since u hav started blogging. really a touching post.very few remembers d incidents whn they hav hurt sombdy, all dey remember is whn they themselves got hurt.n hardly they know that how lightening it is for both .
@ Anu
THANKS A TONNE :)
I really didn't expect such a compliment.
Thanks again :)
hehe...pleasant surprise dena to hamari fitrat mai hai :p
:) just made me smile ...
@ Di
me too :)
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