Hello

It's just another day in the mundane life of Gajodhar Pandey. And just so you know, neither the first name nor the last name, or for that matter, the middle name (which happens to be Ramnarayan) intended to bear any significance to this story whatsoever, but then, things seldom go exactly as intended. Of course, the man who was forced upon these names is significant, in the way that he happens to be our protagonist, one of our protagonists, to be precise.
Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey doesn't like his name. Whenever someone calls his name, he feels like he/she is desperately calling GOD for some serious help. He always envied the characters in the fantasy world of Ekta Kapoor, for they had, if nothing else, fancy, modern, futuristic, artistic names. But nevermind, the damage had been inflicted upon him by his Grandma 31 years ago. Once, by mistake( he claims), he talked about legally changing his name and the next thing he knew was that his Grandma had to undergo double bypass surgery. The topic was buried, then and there, in some hospital trash can.
Anyhow, this story is about a day in the life of Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey, and not his name. Though Gajodhar loved his work and took good care of the clients, his heart was severely hurt when a female client exclaimed, " Wow, you look young !!" the first time they met. "Thanks Miss Sharma. Just one question though. Why did you expect me to be old?"
"Well...... err...... umm.............. it's just that.... i don't know....."
No wonder the deal didn't materialize.
He dies a little death everytime he has to introduce himself to a female client. 'Mrs. Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey' !!!! He knew even he wouldn't have married himself.
He wrapped his work for today and took his seat in the office-cab, frustrated, tired, sick of himself as usual, when his phone rang.
Private number...... he he he
"What the **** is this?"
He looked around. No one. He looked at his phone again.
Pick up.. you suspicious moron.
The phone almost slipped off his hand.
"Hello??"
"Hello Gajodhar, this is GOD"
This time the phone slipped but held on tothe neckstrap.
"Who???"
"You heard me fine. I am GOD."
"Listen buddy, this is not the right time. I am not in a mood of silly jokes. So either come to the point or hang up."
"Ok, hang up if you don't want to talk. But do one thing. Turn the phone handsfree and put on the earphones."
He did so and hung up. There was silence but for 2 seconds only.
"Does it work??"
"Holy crap!!! Who the hell are you ? Leave me alone."
"I can force you to listen to me but that'll make you look a lot more paranoid. So be a good boy and talk. It won't harm you and definitely won't cost you."
[silence]
"So, you are GOD!!! Why should I believe that?"
"Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey. Son of Ramnarayan Batukeshwar Pandey. Born in Munger, Bihar, India on 20th September, 1966 at 7:14 am."
"Office database."
"Once suspended from school while pouring chalk dust on your teacher's back."
"School records."
"Have one major and three minor crushes on female colleagues."
"Common sense. Why are you wasting your time??"
"10th February, 1999. Sumedha Maitra tells you about her boyfriend and the next thing you thought was to run a truck over both of them."
"Well.... I...err.... I didn't mean to. Are you here to punish me for that .... (after a slight hesitation) GOD??"
"I didn't want to bring this up but you left me with no other choice."
"So why exactly are you here? Don't you have a world to protect?"
"Well.. I am planning to put up a Catastrophe later this century, and while my team is working on the blueprint, I took some time off.... you know... to relax..... have some fun."
"And I am your idea of having 'fun !!!"
"Well... not exactly. Anyways... I know it sounds cliched but.... Ask me, What do you want?"
"Really !!! Ok. For starters, Please change my name."
"And by calling yourself Tom Cruise, you expect girls to go berserk by just looking at you !! Why can't you be okay with your name? What's in a name anyway?"
"How would you know. Your name is not a haunting kind."
"That's my identity. Believe me, you don't want to know my name."
"OK. Give me a good wife. Nobody wants to be Mrs. Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey."
"So to you marriage is all about nameplates.. right? You just assume things won't work instead of actually trying to make them work. If you are so sure that changing your name will change everything, why didn't you change it yourself?"
"Ha ha ha. Very funny. As if you don't know."
"Ok, I accept. But isn't it fair to keep my share of sense of humor before distributing it to mankind?"
"Yes. Laugh. Laugh at me all you want. You don't know how it feels being laughed at. You don't know how it feels when your colleagues don't take you seriously. You don't know how it feels when the colony kids throw a ball in my house just to call my name. You haven't seen the supressed smiles of the ladies when I introduce myself to them. You have made me for fun, didn't you. I am a clown for you and this damn world of yours. I am the comic relief. I am the Joker. Laugh at me all you want."
"Done? Typical Gajodhar Ramnarayan Pandey. Why are you such a bitter man? This world is a nice place to live, provided you want to. Look at the positives dear. You are cribbing about something absolutely silly and worthless as compared to some of the serious troubles the world is going through."
"Look who speaks. Weren't we taught that all this has been created by you? And you have made me a part of this crap of yours."
"So, you think you are a part of those homeless children in Africa. You think you are a part of the slum-dwellers in Mumbai who sleep, not knowing whether they'll ever wake up again. You think you are a part of innocent victims of terrorism. You think you are a part of the lives of those unfortunate soldiers who either died or got disabled during the war inflicted upon them by a bunch of egoistic politicians. You think you are a part of the innocent children forced to beg for survival. You think you are a part of the world where girls are sold for money.
I accept that the world didn't turn out to be the way it was supposed to be, but then people like you are not helping either. The next time you crib about your life and your so-called stupid name, just remember one thing.... There are millions of people who would be much more than happy to trade lives with you. The question is: Are you willing to trade lives with any of them?"

"No. I won't"

"Why not? This is your house. You have to get down so that the rest of us can go home." Shekhar, his colleague and office-cab-mate was already getting late.